I have mentioned it before, but I will restate it again – I have 2 kids. My postpartum experiences were vastly different with the 2 of them (except for the first month; I was a depressed mess who blamed myself for everything).
With my first kid, I was in grad school and my PI gave me option to work from home when I could and just take care of myself and my baby. Holy moly! That was huge. That was so good. I co-sleeped with my girl, talked and sang to her, walked for miles because she loved being lulled in a stroller, played with her. I absolutely enjoyed and cherished every minute of that time. (Yes, I also finished watching multiple shows on Netflix.) But, after a year, finding a great daycare, leaving her there and going to school really felt good. Really, really good. The fact that I enjoyed that time doesn’t mean I was done squeezing my intellectual juices. Again, I need to spend time with her and I was not nearly done working on and improving myself.
Fast forward 4 years, PhD thesis and a job later, my son arrived. I survived morning sickness (which really was a whole day sickness during my first trimester) by resting my head on a desk, washing my face with cold water and praying time would go faster. Not fun. But what was even less fun was mentally preparing to leave my breastfed baby with a stranger. I equally enjoyed rocking him, hugging and kissing him, going for a walk, as I did with my first. But that was not an option. I mean, it could had been, if I wanted to quit my job. Wow, what an alternative. I still missed interaction with adults and intellectual juices are still flowing in abundance (don’t get me wrong, not saying I’m a genius, just describing my needs). But that would not change in a year! I was so stressed out that experience was ripped out both of us, that I got myself mastitis (clogged milk duct, fever, full package).
While I was falling apart, none of my American friends going through the same experiences complained. With friends who live all over the globe and I couldn’t help but wonder – where are the women/moms the happiest and why?
Some questions I was interest in are listed below – if you are interested in more, I can hook us up with a source.
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Do you get to decide how your labor will look like?
- Can you give birth at home?
- Can you choose not to take medication?
- Are there any alternatives birthing options?
- Are you free to move during labor, can you listen to music, dim the lights etc?
- Who can stay with you at the hospital?
- Can someone be with you during the labor?
- Can your partner cut the umbilical cord?
- Who can visit you in the hospital and when?
- Where does the baby sleep?
- Is skin-to-skin done?
- Is breastfeeding promoted?
- Is episiotomy a normal thing?
- When do you leave hospital?
- Is it typical for someone to move in with you for N-weeks and help around?
- Are there any special traditions that you have respected during the first 40 days after the labor?
- What role does husband/partner play in the early stage?
- Do husbands/partners get a paternal leave?
- When do women go back to work?
- How many women leave work to be stay at home moms?
- What are the main reasons for that (i.e. they genuinely want to stay with kids or find it hard to navigate both)?
- How expensive are daycares?
- How expensive are the nannies?
- Are there in-home daycares (or is there an alternative between a daycare and a nanny)?
- Are there support groups for moms?
- Can moms work remotely (what kind of jobs)?
- Can you bring the baby with you to work? do others ever do that?
- How do you spend the maternity leave?
- Does your baby sleep in the same room as you? when do you transition them out?
- Do parents co-sleep with babies and how?
- Did you feel ready when you went back to work?
- What was the hardest thing about going back to work?
- Are you breastfeeding?
- Was your decision to breastfeed impacted by knowing you have to return to work after N-weeks?
- Did anything change (breastfeeding wise) after you got back to work?
- Are you allowed to breastfeed at work and for how long?
- Are you pumping, exclusively pumping or breastfeeding or formula feeding or anything in between and why?
- Is there a system in place that supports moms with postpartum depression?
- Is there such a thing as lactation specialist?
- Was there a nurse coming to visit you/check in on you and the baby after you were released from the hospital?
- How is mother’s physical health treated? Who examines the mother and when? (Pelvic floor, diastasis, etc.)
- Did/do you take any lactation vitamins or supplements?
- About Prenatal care (
- when do you get the maternity leave,
- are there any changes to your salary,
- who pays your salary – the government or the company,
- what if you are unemployed,
- pelvic floor specialists,
- physiotherapy for the pelvic floor,
- exercises,
- courses and
- pregnancy oriented sports
- When do you first bath the baby?
- When do you start giving solids to the baby?
- How do you introduce the solids?
- Did you sleep train the baby?
Available resources:
